VARIATIONS 4

This Shul’s Not Made For Talking
500 miles
Happy Together
It’s All Meshugas to Me
Goin’ Out To Daven
The Leader of the Band
Shabbos Queen
I Will Survive
The Coladas
Ketchup On Your Hebrew

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This Shul’s Not Made For Talking

(L. Hazelwood, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

Folks are prayin’ in our shul every Shabbos,

Or any day, just come and take a seat,

Holidays, or just to catch a minyan,

But leave your conversations in the street.

This Shul’s not made for talking,

But that’s what you do,

One of these days our Rabbi’s gonna walk on up to you.

You can come in and bring family with you,

And we will always have a place for your friends,

But don’t come here with gossip or discussion, no…

Go shmooze outside, but only at the end…

This Shul’s not made for talking,

But that’s what you do,

One of these days our Rabbi’s gonna walk on up to you.

You can walk in with your own intentions,

So when we ask for quiet, you may not believe

That in this house of worship, we mean business, yeah

But the gabbai’s big, and he will help you leave.

This Shul’s not made for talking,

If that’s what you’ll do,

Then one of these days our Rabbi’s gonna have enough of you.

Are you here to daven?  Then STOP TALKIN’!!

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500 miles

(C. &C. Reid, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

When I wake up, I will pack 100 bags,

Of my belongings and a bathing suit or two,

Then I’ll load it, in the back of my old van,

Get my family and I’ll head out with the crew.

I’ll be going, to the bungalow I own,

Out in the wilderness, out somewhere on the range,

On the journey, I will stop 100 times,

And fill my tank with every little bit of change.

But I would drive 500 miles,

And I would drive 500 more,

Just to be in Woodburne, living in a

run-down shack with a ripped screen door.

With a smile, and a load of sun protection,

I’ll be leaving all the comforts of my home,

I’ll be going to the land of the mosquitoes,

where the skunks and all their folks are free to roam

Every Friday, I’ll be fighting all the traffic, 

just to end up sitting on Route 42,

And Verizon, will have interrupted service,

while my wife will try forever to get through

But I would drive …

 Dadadalatta…

When I get there, I will squash my seven kids

into a room that’s made to barely fit just two,

And we’ll stock up, we’ll clean all the shelves in Wal Mart, 

then we’ll sit and wait for Shabbos Nachamu!

When my inlaws invite themselves for Shabbos,

I’ll be giving up the comforts of my bed,

I’ll be sleeping in the kitchen with the light on,

With the chulent pot just inches from my head.

With the chulent pot just inches from my head.

But I would drive …

Dadadalatta…(2X)

And I would drive …

(End)

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Happy Together

(A. Gordon, G. Bonner, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

Imagine seeing you, I do

I think about you day and night, it’s only right,

To think about the place you love, a holy site,

Yerushalayim...

And when I come to you, stand by your stones,

I feel your love eternally, I’m not alone,

You’ll always be the place for me, my only home,

Yerushalayim…

I can’t bear my life when I’m not close to you,

I don’t feel right,

When I’m near you, all of my dreams are in view,

You are my light.

Me and you, and you and me,

No matter what the others say,

It’s meant to be

I’ll stand beside you all my life, so faithfully,

Yerushalayim…

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It’s All Meshugas to Me

(B. Joel, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

What’s the matter with the Kiddush I’m giving

Can’t you tell that your cake’s too dry,

Maybe I should just eliminate the kugel,

Well, in our shul, you’d better not try!

Where have you been hiding out lately, sonny,

You can’t give a Kiddush til’ you spend a lot of money,

Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout the right foods, funny,

But it’s all Mishegas to me…

What’s the matter with the chulent I’m serving,

Can’t you tell that its got no meat,

Maybe I should serve some cole slaw and salad,

That would look like you were trying to cheat,

Borrow money from your family pushka,

And serve four kugels with a healthy slice of kishka,

Potato, rice, lukshin twice, one sweet, one spice,

All a Mishegas to me!

Oh, it doesn’t matter what they serve at a Kiddush

It’ll always be the same old thing,

Your wife is gonna deal an entire Shabbos meal

And you’d better savor everything,

I’m sure you know what I mean…

Have some wine, or some Shnapps for Kiddush,

Don’t you know that I only use scotch,

Forget Red Label, just go with the green one,

Or the Blue, if it’s not too much

Plain gefilte fish is not very daring,

Your best bet would be twelve types of herring,

Cream cakes, potato knishes, table cloths, hot dishes

All a Mishegas to me

What’s the matter with the Kiddush I’m giving,

Can’t you see that the place is too tight,

Don’t you know you need at least 10 tables

If you have 80  men to invite

Nowadays, you gotta be very cautious,

Pick the wrong food and your guests will be nauseous,

Right food, right place, scotch and bourbon by the case

It’s all a Mishegas to me

Everybody’s talkin’ bout the food at the Kiddush,

But it’s all Mishegas to me!

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Goin’ Out To Daven

(R.J. Lange, S. Twain, C. Srulowitz)

(performed by Larry Gates)

I wake me up at five, feelin’ half alive,

Don’t wanna get out of bed,

Gotta go to work, It’s gonna be bezerk

Strange buzzing noise in my head,

Feeling really stressed, Gonna get me dressed

Gotta look like I’m feelin’ fine..

Tallis in my hand,  Jump into my van,

So I could get to Shachrit on time…

The best thing about being a Yid is

The opportunity to pray every day,

Uh, uh oh, I’m understanding, Life is demanding,

Being a Jew, things to do

Uh, uh, oh, Three times a day, I make time to pray,

Uh, uh oh, It’s my connection, to G-d’s affection,

Prayer each day, home or away

Uh uh oh, I wanna go daven , Yeah,

To feel the way I feel,

Yeah, I’m headin’ out to daven

My bones, oh how they ache, I try to stay awake,

I need to wash the day from my head,

Too many obligations, silly complications,

One more thing to do before bed,

The best thing about being a Yid is

The opportunity to pray every day,

Uh, uh oh, I’m understanding, Life is demanding,

Being a Jew, things to do

Uh, uh, oh, Three times a day, I make time to pray,

Uh, uh oh, It’s my connection, to G-d’s affection,

A prayer each day, home or away

Uh uh oh, I wanna go daven , Yeah,

To feel the way I feel,

Yeah, I’m headin’ out to daven

Alternate Second Paragraph

But I know what I need, just like every Yid,

It wakes me up and makes me feel whole,

I stop in my tracks, feel my strength come back,

Take the time to feed my soul

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The Leader of the Band

As heaven smiles a gifted child becomes a leading man,

Composer and performer too, every key at his command.

He played his songs, then moved along and now he’s gone away

But he gave us all a gift of notes we never can re-play.

A quiet man of music, his life, his soul, his fate,

His Ruach and his harmonies took him far beyond the state

The keyboard and the drums were played by nimble, rhythmic hands

His music spoke a language any heart could understand

The leader of the band is gone

And the ivories all are cold

Cause his love moved through his instruments

And his music moved our souls

His life was just a rich attempt

To bring joy to every man

This song’s a living legacy

To the leader of the band

The leader’s days were different as he answered every call.

He’d even give free time to play and he wished to play them all.

So every child of Mitzvah and every groom and bride,

Had their chance to hear the melodies that he stored up deep inside.

I thank you for the music (that you taught me, by the way)

I thank you for the smile you wore when it came our time to play

I thank you for the jokes and laughs, even when the times got rough

And Ira, I don’t think we said “we love you” near enough…

(The leader…)

We’re all a living legacy

To the leader of the band.

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Shabbos Queen

(B. Anderson, E. Stimler, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

You can sing, you can pray

Oh, what a beautiful day

See that light-watch that  scene

Welcome the Shabbos queen

Friday night and the candles glow

Your favorite shul’s the place to GO

A holy day for resting,

A gift for me and you

We’ll bring a guest or two

Anybody can be that guy

Making kiddish on a glass of wine

Zemiros is the music, everything’s divine

Watching the children dance

Each week we get the chance

All for the Shabbos queen

Every week,  it’s a holy scene

Shabbos queen,the atmosphere is like a dream

Oh yeah (You can sing…)

The busy week has come and gone

Candles burning  - the blech is on

Torah AND Prayer, either one WILL DO

We’re in the mood to dance

Each week we get the chance

(All for the Shabbos queen…)

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I Will Survive

(D. Fekaris, F. Perren, E. Stimler, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified,

Kept thinking I would  have no time, no matter how I tried,

I’d never make those Seder Nights, everything was going wrong,

But I grew strong, and I learned how to  move along,

My smile was back, back on my face,

I got a cleaning crew to come to me and straighten up the place,

And so that energetic trio went from room to room with me,

‘Til every  corner of my house was absolutely Chometz-free,

But then I froze  I got the news

He invited all the in-laws, and I almost blew a fuse,

I don’t know how to use a pot, I couldn’t cook to save my life

If they’re expecting to be fed, he’d better find another wife.

Now I know I’ll be alright,

So long as I  got cash,

We’ll have a Seder Pesach Night,

I got a number from the book,

I hired two people  who can cook,

So I’ll survive, I will survive..

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,

When I saw those empty closets, it just broke my heart,

I just spent oh so many nights arranging Pesach all alone,

Then I forgot about the clothing , I  almost ran away from home,

But you’ll see me, somebody new.

I’m not that workaholic person, who’s as tired as you,

I just grabbed all of your credit cards and drove to Bloomingdales,

And they thanked Hashem for Pesach, as they rang up all  the sales,

And now I know   just how it’s done,

I can handle any Holiday, and so can anyone,

You could have guests who want to move in, forty-seven at a time,

You’d think I’d crumble, but everything will be just fine,

Cuz’ now I know, I’ll be all right,

So long as I can spend the cash

There’ll be a Yom Tov Night,

I will handle any guest, dressed up in my Yom Tov best

So I’ll survive, I will survive.

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The Coladas

(R. Holmes (D. Goldstein), C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

It was right before the Shabbos

When our baby arrived,

After having four sons now, our little daughter made five,

Mr. & Mrs. Colada will now have one child more.

I told my wife what I named her,

She almost fell on the floor.

I said, “Peninah Colada” up at the Torah in Shul,

I didn’t think for a moment, ‘cause the name was so cool,

My list had 12 amazing boys’ names, all hand-picked by my mate,

But now I’m going to suffer, for such a silly mistake.

Now don’t you jump to no conclusions, they told me they were so sure,

That this would be another boy now, just like the cute little sons I had before,

Tell me, what were you thinking, my lovely wife still complains

That poor baby did nothing to have deserved such a name

You said “Peninah Colada” up at the Torah in shul,

You didn’t think about the future, you thought the name was so cool,

You should have stopped the rabbi there and then, say “I must che ck with my wife,

Or else I’m going to suffer, and for the rest of my life.

Standing underneath the Chupah, on her happiest day,

I looked across to my daughter,

And she had something to say,

I’m so happy to be here, but one thing is a shame,

Of all the things I’ll be changing, I’ll miss my… old last name!

She loved Peninah Colada, she said it right there in shul

My wife now sees the future, and that the name’s really cool,

I named my little girl Peninah then, without the help of my wife,

Now I’m going to remind her, for the rest of her life!

We love Peninah Colada, and her brothers agree,

Because the whole Colada family loves each other, you see

My little girl has got a husband now, and she will make a great wife

A new home and a family, for the rest of her life!

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Ketchup On Your Hebrew

(M. Ruiz, C. Srulowitz, G. Veroba)

Long ago when I was three

My Rebbe taught me how to read

The words from a Chumash or Sid-dur,

He said “these are sounds to know

Say it loud and say it slow,

Pay attention to every letter.”

He taught me Kumutz and the Patach

And the Tzerey and the Segol

The Melupin,  the Sh’vah and the Cholem,

Then I learned about the Shuruk,

And I memorized the Chirik.

I studied hard so I’d surely know them

Let me show ya, it’s so easy, you can join me

We sing the Uh, the Ah,  the Ay & the Eh 

and then the Ooh, and the Ih, and the Oh and the Eee

Come on and sing the sounds and letters with me

We sing the Uh, the Ah,  the Ay & the Eh

and we’ll continue with the Ooh, the Ih, the Oh, the Eee

It’s just as easy as counting to three!

We sing the Uh, the Ah,  the Ay & the Eh

then the Ooh, the Ih, the Oh, the Eee, c’mon ev’rybody

It’s so simple you can try it and see!

My little boy is turning three,

He asked to read the words with me,

He got his first Chumash and Sid-dur,

I sat him down and proudly said,

You’re gonna learn it like your dad,

We’ll study every night, now together,

We’ll read the Kumutz and the Patach

And the Tzerey and the Segol

The Melupin,  the Sh’vah and the Cholem,

Then we’ll  learn about the Shuruk,

And we’ll memorize the Chirik.

We’ll study hard so you can really know them.

Let me show ya, it’s so easy, you can join me

We sing the Uh…

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